Ingrams on death
The Week | 4 Oct 1997
Richard Ingrams, the former editor of Private Eye and now editor of The Oldie, has been dwelling on mortality.
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“Caroline Phillips is a tenacious and skilful writer with a flair for high quality interviewing and a knack for making things work.”
Richard Ingrams, the former editor of Private Eye and now editor of The Oldie, has been dwelling on mortality.
Although a sign on his office door reads “the floggings will continue until morale improves”, Sir Jocelyn Stevens, Chairman of English Heritage, denies he’s the “fascist cannibal beast” he’s made out to be.
The air is close with the smell of sweaty old feet and unwashed plates. He has stained bedsheets, pillows with red hearts, lopsided posters of Monet and Manet, screaming pink, yellow and red paint work and a cupboard full of blouses with flounces, frills, embroidery and twirls. It could be a bohemian student squat. But his doorbell on the Fifties block states simply “Bath”.
This is the home of the 7th Marquess of Bath, Alexander Thynn, 64, dubbed the Loins of Longleat in reference to his multifarious romantic interests and the safari lions at his £150 million, 10,000 acre Elizabethan stately home in Wiltshire.
A survey released last week by motor manufacturer Toyota found that the car has overtaken the breakfast table as a principal family meeting place. The evidence from the survey will be used in designing its Picnic “family fun” car.
Our family has known this for years. A long time ago, we started having family Christmases in the car. We don’t have to put up many decorations because we can, if the mood takes us, park beneath the festoons of light adorning Regent Street.
And we do our bit for the environment – the tree part of it, at least – because we speed to Trafalgar Square to admire the 65ft Norwegian Christmas tree rather than splashing out on our own somewhat smaller baubled conifer.
World-exclusive article, made front pages and sparked controversy globally, and shortlisted for “Scoop of the Year” in the 1997 British Press Awards.
Professor Phillip Bennett faces a dilemma. His patient, 16 weeks pregnant, is carrying healthy twins and cannot abide the prospect of having two children. She says she couldn’t cope.
She has told Mr Bennett, professor of obstetrics and gynaecology at London’s Queen Charlotte’s Hospital, that if she were carrying just one baby, she would continue her pregnancy.
I am wearing a clothes peg on my nose while impersonating a paraplegic frog. Blowing underwater bubbles, with one leg up, the other bent. Now I’m grappling with the glamorous Travelling Ballet Leg sequence – but looking like a sinking lawnmower. Next I do the Tub Turn, rotating with my knees and feet on the water’s surface, like something that has gone wrong in the launderette. Meanwhile svelte women swim around me with precision, skill and co-ordination.
It is disconcerting to wear an old mashed potato-coloured tracksuit over post-natal body and scruffy trainers and then bump into the Princess of Wales.
Setting up an interview with fashion designers Domenico Dolce and Stefano Gabbana is a nightmare. Until the last minute, the appointment time is changed and the venue is undecided. Then they offer half an interview – Stefano will talk, Domenico won’t. Then they relent. Next they refuse to have their photographs taken. I arrive in Milan to discover the couple don’t speak English. But, of course, I did forget to ask.
AT AYTON Castle, Lady Christine de la Rue, in red jumper and jodhpurs and wearing dusters on her feet, is skating around what appears to be 27 miles of wooden hall floor. A polishing trick she picked up at the Pucci Palace in Florence. The fire is blazing, sandwiches are laid out on the grooms’ table in the hall – where they play ping pong and do Scottish reels – and Highland terriers scamper about.
The mistress of Ayton Castle, Berwickshire, is a colourful character with a past as dramatic as her castle.
Random drugs tests are to be carried out on about 12,000 prisoners a year to combat the growing narcotics problem in jails. It’s estimated that nearly half the inmates of British prisons take self-prescribed medication (heroin, LSD, cannabis and the like) while detained at Her Majesty’s pleasure. That’s a prison population of 49,000 in England and Wales alone. So the forthcoming tests should provide enough material and statistics for Prison Service paper shufflers to write off an entire rainforest.
But aren’t they locking the cell after the criminal has bolted? Isn’t this approach comparable to giving HIV tests and forgetting about condoms and safe-sex education?
Jay Alexander is black, about 10 feet tall and three inches wide, wears tighter than skin jodhpurs or a chiffon skirt and high glittery shoes, hair scraped into a weeny bun and has lips that confuse UFO spotters. He’s the Terry Venables of the modelling world: the man who teaches the top models how to walk, sniff but not eat pain au chocolat, move their hips and carry double-faced sticky tape to attach to their stockinged feet to save slipping on high-heeled mules.
The Hercules in which we are arriving in Sarajevo makes a tactical landing, suddenly nose-diving in case there is small arms fire. The Serbs take more pot shots in the afternoon when they’re drunk, but this is early morning. Still, the crew say they can’t underestimate the threat from the ground.
I feel frightened because, in contravention of the rules, I don’t have a flak jacket. This is Saturday, the day before this same plane is used for Operation Irma.
The homes around the airport have been razed by war and a black cloud of smoke hangs over Mount Igman. Serbs burning villages or villagers making tea, says one of the crew, wryly.
Sunday 14 December. It’s a perfect afternoon: sun, sand, surfers. I’m in Sydney visiting my two Londoner daughters who are here living the Australian dream. My 28-year-old, Ella, is at the beach with friends; her elder sister Anya, 30, is out with her boyfriend. So I go for a swim alone at…
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