I’m throwing up like an elephant, puking saline water in one enormous wave. I’ve just swallowed a litre and a half of tepid, salty water – drinking several glasses very fast under the unwavering watch of my yoga teacher, Sandeep Aggarwal. At his instruction, I’ve tickled the back of my throat with my fingers, before belching more liquid into the sink. As I do this, an elegant woman in a sari walks past the open door of the therapy room and smiles encouragingly. ‘You’re a natural,’ Sandeep enthuses simultaneously, watching me chuck up. There are few things more curious than forcibly evacuating the stomach in public, on purpose and being congratulated for it. ‘Not many Westerners ask to do vomiting,’ adds Sandeep. I cannot think why.

I’m on the new Yogic Detox programme at Ananda in the Himalayas. The week-long programme includes: different Hatha yogic techniques for cleansing internal organs (known as Shatkriya); yogic postures (asana); breathing techniques (pranayama); meditation; and an Ayurvedic diet (based on the ancient medical system). The aim is to balance our three doshas (think constitution). If you want to get technical, there’s Kapha (which relates to mucous and is connected with being reliable), Pitta (think bile and fiery) and Vata (which denotes wind and indicates fast-moving personalities). Imbalances are believed to result in disease and illnesses.

If throwing up sounds crazy, mostly the treatments are wonderful – and they take place in one of the world’s loveliest destination spas. Ananda is in a stupendous location, overlooking the Ganges and set in the Maharaja of Tehri Garhwal’s palace estate near Rishikesh, India. There’s the Maharaja’s private summer palace, a restored Viceroy’s Palace (with its museum-like Vice-Regal suite where Mountbatten stayed) and comfortable modern accommodation. Then there’s the spa the size of an Indian state which has won more awards than most Hindus have had past lives. It’s vibrates to the sound of chants of Om and Indian flute music; there are Ganesh statues with marigold garland necklaces and rose petals floating in bowls.

But back to the vomiting. The aim of Kunjal (as voluntary regurgitation is known) is to cleanse the stomach, oesophagus, throat, lungs and chest. (You have to do it early in the morning, on an empty stomach and after ‘finishing nature’s call’.) It’s said to wash out strong acid and excess mucous and, in yogic therapy, it plays a key role in alleviating asthma and preventing ulcers. Yogis have practised these techniques for centuries. The idea is that sneezing, defecating, crying, sweating – you name it – are very cleansing. (‘You should try to be positive and relaxed, to feel that you are doing it for your own purification,’ explains Sandeep.) Just as a sauna or scrubbing the skin helps the skin to breathe better, so flushing helps the digestion and is said to make it work better. It takes me ten minutes to chuck up – a pro can do it in three – and, frankly, leaves me feeling rather grotty.

Now it’s time for my Jal Neti treatment, which is a way of cleansing the nostrils with warm salty water. It’s a practice aimed to alleviate sinusitis, bronchitis, hay fever and negative thinking. Great if you’re prone to coughs and colds. The technique involves filling a doll’s house sized tea-pot with another brew of warm saline solution, tilting my head, popping the spout up one nostril and pouring. The water goes up one nasal cavity and comes out of the other nostril, first in a drip and then in a steady stream. I keep my mouth open and the effect is like choking on the Indian Ocean. Afterwards my sinuses are born-again and I feel delightfully light and clear-headed.

Another important part of the Ananda cleansing programme is the diet. It’s prescribed by their Ayurvedic doctor Dr Adarash, for clients’ specific doshas. I’m diagnosed as Pitta Vata and told to avoid sour and spicy food, overeating, pickles, sour cream and vinegar. We start our meals with a nasty cup of hot water sprinkled with spices and a tiny glass of detoxifying juice with herbs and rock salt. ‘Keep enjoying,’ insists Akshay, the head chef cheerily. The dishes are small and inventive. Think Indian cottage cheese (paneer) kebabs with cous cous (231 calories) or spiced bitter gourd with yellow lentil stew (221 calories) and sugar-free apple cinnamon pieces with home-made vanilla ice cream (129 calories). There are also international Ayurvedic dishes, aimed at helping people replicate the food at home. It’s not my favourite food but I don’t feel hungry or tired after meals. I get a detox headache on day three – as does everyone in my party – but don’t feel any cravings between meals.

There are superb therapies to facilitate further detoxing. The Ayurvedic ones start with a spiritual ritual: foot cleansing in a bowl with Ganges pebbles and the chanting of an Ayurvedic prayer, a supplication to Guru the creator, sustainer and destroyer. They range from Abhyanga (a traditional four-handed synchronised massage on a wooden Ayurvedic massage bed and with sesame oil, which leaves me smelling like a frying pan) to Choornaswedana, a dreamy massage with dosha specific oils and warmed herbal poultices, Shirodhara (where luke-warm herbal oil is poured from a dangling brass bowl in a stream onto the forehead) to Indian head massage, which eliminates toxins and stimulates circulation.

Ananda is in a place of pilgrimage said to be the birthplace of yoga, meditation and Ayurveda, so it’s fitting that we practise yoga daily in the amphitheatre outside as the sun rises and peacocks wander past. Toe Bending, Half Butterfly (‘place one foot on top of the opposite. Hold the toes…’) The Cat Stretch pose, the Cobra, the Snake and the Crocodile; each day I become more supple. Additionally I have private Pranayama lessons which teach me to breathe properly and my yoga instructor works with me on my psychic energy centres – but I fall asleep.

It’s possible to escape to the palace for cream teas, scrabble, billiards on a 100 year-old table, classical music and bagpipes. Alternatively there are activities that are more strenuous and with a spiritual twist. One day we walk through villages with tethered goats and past fields of yellow mustard, through the mist to the nearby Kunjapuri temple, a holy shrine dedicated to the Goddess Sati. There’s a climb of 306 steps to reach the temple, but who’s counting? Once there we’re given bindi markings on our foreheads, red ‘kalawa’ temple bracelets (to represent God) and blessings.

Another day we trek nearly three hours to Rishikesh, through the fluorescent green landscape, past a lurid snake, monkeys and smiling kids requesting: ‘you have chocolate, please Auntie?’ We sit on the banks of the Ganges for the daily evening Aarati ceremony, an auspicious Hindu ritual performed at Parmarth Niketan Ashram. Small, symbolic lamps are lit while the local orphans chant mantras and a Bollywood-style priest looks on ethereally as his Guru sprinkles the holy riverside fire with herbs and ghee to purify the environment.

What makes Ananda so special though, are the endlessly helpful staff who have a way of anticipating everyone’s needs before we’ve even thought of them. After the exertions of our Rishikesh trek, unrequested, someone runs soothing baths with herb poultices and lemon verbena leaves for our party. They genuinely want to make everything wonderful for their guests. I fall asleep at 9.30 pm every night and aside from waking several times – who wouldn’t on the gallons of fresh ginger and lemon tea we drink? – I sleep soundly. Nobody ventures out of their kurta pyjamas all week except perhaps to put on a shahtoosh.

I leave floating on a spiritual cloud feeling calm, happy, wise, and with luminescent skin, having lost a few pounds and with my sinuses and (supposedly) chakras cleared. Perhaps the excellent treatments achieve the spectacular results. Maybe it’s the clean air, peace, beautiful location or my vegetarian diet. Throw into the mix too the sunken bathtub overlooking the valley, the Kneipe foot bath (where you walk on stones to improve your circulation) and sauna overlooking the jungle views and Ganges. And the fact that the air is cool and there are no crowds. Whatever, I reap great benefits from the Yogic Detox programme although I’m glad it isn’t an extreme package. After all, Ananda offer oil enemas and Nasyam (where medicated oil is poured into the nostrils) but thankfully they don’t offer the variation of Jal Neti called Sutra Neti, where a fine thread is taken inside one nostril and pulled out of the mouth through the throat. And I won’t be vomiting again in public…

North Norfolk has become the Martha’s Vineyard of East Anglia. Who needs the summer retreat for New England Brahmins when we have windy coast roads, mudflats and sanddunes? And Burnham Market. Now to outstrip anything they offer on Long Island, there’s even a blockbuster exhibition, Houghton Revisited, at Houghton Hall near King’s Lynn. It boasts works by Poussin, Rubens and Van Dyck.

The 7th Marquess of Cholmondley, has secured 70 masterpieces by Rembrandt and Velazquez back from Russia to exhibit in their original home, his family seat of Houghton Hall. (May 17th to September 29th.) The masterpieces were collected by Lord Cholmondley’s ancestor – Britain’s first prime minister, Sir Robert Walpole. They were then sold scandalously – to pay debts – in 1779 to Catherine the Great, Empress of Russia, for the Hermitage, St Petersburg.

You should hire/buy/steal a Bentley to get to Houghton. They’re one of the sponsors of the exhibition, and I drove a Mulsanne there.

It’s almost impossible to fault the motor – it steers like a dream, has suspension as good as any bed, acres of leather interiors and detail that’s beyond perfect. (Heated door mirrors, doors that close ultra quietly, more seat positions than the Kama Sutra.) It also attracts a lot of attention.

But back to Houghton Revisited. Sir Robert Walpole amassed a collection of Old Masters in the 1720s and built Houghton specifically to house them. It’s the grandest of Palladian stately homes with a near -perfect interior by William Kent, the brilliant 18th century designer and architect. So it’s an exhibition definitely worth seeing. There’s also a contemporary sculpture park there – with works by James Turrell and Richard Long; an award-winning five-acre walled garden; and 4000 acres, including a deer park.

If you want to explore further you can also go to Holkham Hall where Viscount Coke lives with his family. Here you’ll find another walled garden, an alabaster hall, classical statuary and yet more Van Dyck and Rubens. (‘It is the perfect English house from the Golden Age of the Grand Tour.’ Simon Jenkins.) It’s definitely worth a visit.

The coastline of north Norfolk is the stuff of dreams. So take a brisk walk to Holkham beach which is privately owned by the estate – and is the sort of beach you’d find in Cape Cod. You can walks along its four soft, golden, sand- miles, with its saltwater lagoons framed by pinewoods.

WHERE TO STAY.

There’s plenty happening in Norfolk. The Victoria just re-opened (in May) after being refurbished. All the Rajisthani furniture gone and it has been relaunched as a traditional English country inn by the Estate. But it (still) has 10 comfortable rooms with artefacts from the attics and basement of Holkham, and what they call ‘drench’ showers.

That the restaurant has two rosettes may not attract everyone – but venison, beef and game come from the Holkham Estate . (Crabs from Cromer, mussels from Brancaster, cheeses from the nearby village of Wighton. ) Traditional classic French food is their speciality. It’s by the north gate entrance to Holkham Hall and 10 minutes by foot ( there are dog-friendly rooms) to the beach – so a great location (although you’re a minute’s walk from day trippers and the car park for the beach).

The Hoste is considered the best boutique pub. (A 17th century bar where supposedly Lord Nelson drank. ) Its décor is the higher end of dainty Peter Jones- style four- poster beds and freestanding baths – but it’s known locally for its good food,and good rooms . Its new (since 2012) owners have a host of other hotels, six in total, including a railway house and Vine House – a Georgian boutique hotel with French furnishings, a Mr & Mrs Smith favourite. Owners, Brendan and Bea Hopkins – Norfolk folk for 20years – created a buzz when spending £2 million on improving their empire. Pleasingly the Hoste is in the centre of Burnham Market with its Georgian buildings and village green.

The Lowes on the 1800 -acre Kelling Estate offer self -catering in converted farm buildings. It’s a hamlet of 11 period farmers’ flint and brick and barns. On arrival, you’re greeted by homegrown flowers, welcome logs and foods and Vicky, the cheery property manager. London interior decorator Emma Deterding (daughter- in- law of the previous owner of the estate) has done a stylish job – underfloor heating, cream carpets, contemporary fittings. A communal swimming pool, jumbo trampoline and tennis courts make it child -friendly. And doggie bedding makes it dog -friendly.

It’s Swallows and Amazons meets London – there’s even a studio on the estate for pilates, yoga and belly dancing – and it’s just two miles from the sea.

If you want a one-off experience with friends and family, there’s little to beat Voewood – a unique Arts and Crafts home with 14 bedrooms, accommodation for 34 and a Hall that fits 100. It’s eclectic, idiosyncractic and sometimes zany – with each room with a different look, including Fifties, Bloomsbury and Seventies. You’ll either love or hate the Klimt-style shimmery wallpaper, disco ball and dormitory of 7 singles.

Forget it if you want staff/service or an en suite – there’s outside catering and a mere 7 baths here. It’s also a bit spooky. Additionally its owner, antiquarian bookdealer and professional charmer, Simon Finch, lives in a wing, like a latter day Miss Havisham; but instead of a wedding dress, he wears a suit that looks like pyjamas. But it’s set delightfully among woodland and landscape gardens – including sunken gardens and a Grade 1 listed walled garden planted with persimmons, greengages and grape vines. And don’t miss it in August (24th to 27th) when there’s the Voewood Festival (literary, food, arts).

WHERE TO EAT.

Creake Abbey Café and Food Hall (opened April) in north Creake. It’s set amid watermeadows. The man behind it is Stephen Harrison – ex uni lecturer turned Borough Food Market man. Ali Yetman is head chef – she proved her culinary talent at the Wiverton Café in Holkham – and uses Creake Abbey Farmers’ Market as her larder. So you can’t go wrong.

It offers local artisan and organic food : try the pork pie with chilli jam or ( in season) Sharrington asparagus. Its butchery sells rare breed pork and the best of British cheeses. In the café, try pan -fried smoked haddock fish-cake with chilli jam, green salad and remoulade.

The Wiveton Farm Café is another must with its walled- kitchen- garden –to- plate homemade food. Inside the café is all nursery pink and turquoise; al fresco you’re surrounded by raspberry canes and strawberry fields overlooking the sea. Afterwards you can feast on the sweetest of PYO raspberries.

You can drive to Wells to have fish and chips on the pier or, even better, in the back of your Bentley. And, further along the coast, don’t miss just-caught lobster (£14), crab (£5) and local samphire at Cookie’s Crab Shop, Salthouse – a beach shack. Or buy fresh fish there and take it home. If you want DIY food, the Cley Smokehouse is superb.Its salmon fillet – traditionally hot roasted in an oak fired kiln – is succulent, smokey and superlative.

What else to do? You’re in North Norfolk to love the blustery weather with sea gulls hovering overhead and yellow broom waving in the salty air; to visit lots of churches – pilgrimage to Walsingham, and to breathe in the wildness of wind- lashed shores. You should definitely take a boat to Blakeney Point nature reserve .The baby seals will pop up inquisitively beside your boat and you’ll probably see a colony of grey seals lolling on the beach. (There are around 500 seals there.) Afterwards enjoy the marshes and boats bobbing beneath vast painterly skies by the tiny fishing village of Blakeney.

There’s also wildlife and nature at Pensthorpe in the Wenslun Valley – former gravel pits turned nature trails. Do visit if you like woodland walks, pond dipping and bird watching.

You don’t need to be a twitcher to visit Cley Marshes, a wildfowl haven.There’s a lovely walk on its wooden walkway among dense reedbeds, and you can relax in the hide overlooking pools and scrapes and saline lagoons, watching feathered happenings. The view from the visitor centre across the Marsh to the sea is magnificent.

At the end of it all, you can spend the evening with a Yetman’s beer – handmade in Norfolk’s one-man brewery – in front of a cracking log fire. Drink capuccinos in the smart Georgian town of Holt or walk by Jacobean flint faced houses. Then pop into your Mulsanne, breathe in the leather and veneer, press a button to set your seat vibrating and massaging…..and race back to town. The Hamptons are overcrowded and expensive. Who needs that when there’s North Norfolk up the road?