When Vanessa, a battered wife for 10 years, met a battered husband, she found it difficult not to laugh. A year later, she takes the issue very seriously indeed. ‘I think it may be worse for men’, she says. ‘They aren’t likely to tell anyone and there isn’t a refuge for them to go to. ‘

These are the problems being addressed by Jenni Manners, co-ordinator of the Women’s Aid Centre, a refuge for battered women in Swindon, Wiltshire.

‘I was extremely puzzled when men started phoning asking for help. From 1980, three or four would ring a year’, she says. ‘But since 1985 I’ve taken about three dozen calls, mainly from the Swindon area. ‘

She suspects the incidence of violence perpetrated on husbands could be almost as prevalent as ‘wife bashing’ – itself the most unreported crime until the 1970s.

Can the phenomenon be accounted for by the growth of feminism, or has it always been around? Jenni Manners has no explanation for the sudden increase in calls from men, but decided to take some action. Earlier this year, a team from the centre went to visit the world’s only refuge for battered men in Vasteras, Sweden. There 15 people are involved in offering help on the telephone.

The team was impressed, and now the local Labour council is looking into funding a 24-hour help line and refuge for battered husbands in Swindon. The only problem is that the men who Jenni Manners has counselled are unwilling to be publicly involved in the project. So the scheme will be run by the women from the centre. Ironically, the male victims who call up often feel a woman would be more sympathetic.

The popular image of a battered husband is ridiculous. ‘People have this idea of a wimp of 5ft 2in being bashed by his 16-stone wife. Nothing could be further from the truth’, says Jenni Manners, fresh from advising a client of 6ft 4in who was beaten by his 5ft 4in wife. She has never counselled a male victim shorter than 5ft 8in. The violence ranges from kicking and scratching to stabbings with potato peelers and kitchen knives.

‘Kitchen implements and boiling water are favoured. But then I have seen a couple of men with fractured skulls. One was coshed with a brick while he was building a patio, and the other got whacked with a piece of wood after suggesting to his wife that they should see a marriage guidance counsellor. Ashamed to confess they are the victims of their wives’ assaults (and having no refuge), many men enter hospitals claming to have bumped into a door or dropped a kettle. Frequently no one beyond the immediate family will know what is really going on. When Jenni Manners sees the men – ‘occasionally in their homes, but more often on a park bench or in a pub’ – they often admit to a catalogue of injuries.

The men come from all walks of life. ‘It exists in every class, just as violence towards women does. It’s just that the higher up the social strata you go, the more ways there are to get out of the situation. ‘

She has counselled managing directors, solicitors, lorry drivers and policemen. Usually they are in their mid-30s to late 40s. ‘If there is any trait in common, it is that they are caring men – often exceeding the generally accepted male role in terms of looking after the kids – and they are respectful of women. ‘

Colin, a taxi driver, is one such example. Extremely reticent, he is 26 and looks 10 years older. (His wife, an office clerk, was 11 years his senior. ) He put up with his wife’s violence – which started just three months after they married – for six years. She would draw blood from him with her bare fists and sharp rings or hit him over the head with a frying pan.

‘Initially, I was quite shocked – I didn’t know what to do, because she used to go crazy – but I would never hit a woman’, he explains. The outbursts occurred bi-monthly and were, as with wife bashing, worse when his spouse had been drinking. Did he ever take steps to restrain her?

‘At first I did. I used to try to calm her down by talking to her, but that made no difference. Sometimes I sat her on the floor, but then she would re-attack when I was off my guard. ‘Jenni Manners confirms that restraining the assailants tends to increase them even more.

Colin got used to it. ‘I knew what to expect and found it easier just to let her get it over with. ‘

He could not make out why she did it. He simply knew that he was ‘frightened and didn’t have anywhere to go’, and that retaliating could have made things worse. He was also worried that it was his fault and that it would recur in another relationship. He did not tell anyone.

‘You’re ashamed of making a fool of yourself. People would think you were wet and not a proper man. ‘

He thought of notifying the police, but knew they dislike getting involved in domestic situations. ‘Help, my wife’s bashing me’, is likely to provoke ridicule. In Jenni Manners’s experience, those who have been to doctors are greeted with disbelief, followed by a prescription for tranquillizers.

Then by chance one day Colin picked up the once-battered Vanessa in his taxi – and moved out to live with her. His wife still comes around to terrorize him at Vanessa’s house, ‘out of jealousy, I think’. He found that an application for legal aid and an injunction met with derision. The court would think it was stupid, the lawyer said.

‘At least I’ve got to the stage now where I can tell people’, Colin says with relief.

Adam, a 36-year-old, 6ft fireman, endured his wife’s violence for 13 years before doing anything about it. He is now trying to ‘find himself’ through philosophy and psychology. ‘I would certainly hit back if a man attacked me,’ he says, ‘but I let her chuck bottles and plates, boiling water and hot dinners at me. ‘

Yet he maintains that he thought this was normal. ‘I don’t consider it a violent marriage, I thought all marriages were like that. ‘

‘Lots of men don’t see it as violence’, says Jenni Manners, ‘because deep down they feel that if the need arises, they can defend themselves by holding the woman down’.

Things came to a head when he was at home, having contracted cancer. Violent episodes started to occur as often as three times a week.

‘In the process of that strained couple of years, we had a role reversal – I was very happy to look after the kids and she returned to her job as a lab technician. I think she felt threatened in her role as a woman – and that manifested itself in further violence. It was her way of getting what she needed. It became too much – and she said she was leaving. ‘ He agreed on condition that she left the children.

The tendency on dissolution is to award home and children to the wife. Jenni explains that many of the men she has counselled fear that if they leave home, the violence will then be transferred to the children. The majority of men she has advised have been awarded custody.

It wasn’t until Adam sought Jenni’s advice – at the suggestion of a close friend in the social services – that he realized all his rights and the true extent of the violence in his marriage.

The help Jenni gives is recognition and support, with some guidance on legal and housing rights. It’s what these victims of the opposite sex want. ‘The men want to know that they’re not alone in their problem. Accommodation isn’t such a consideration. It’s easier for them just to walk out. ‘

The way things are going, Jenni expects to get a lot more calls from men. The calls always start: ‘I don’t know if you’ll want to talk to me. I’ve got a very strange problem ..’